Ego will interfere in your process in order to move you away from love. It will try to convince you, through negative self-talk, of many things. You will have to learn to be vigilant about the self-talk in which you engage. If it is not positive and loving, it is from ego, and you must stop the flow. -Journey From Ego,
I read an essay written by one of my favorite authors a couple of days ago that made me smile at her use of words and touched my heart like a finger gently probing an old bruise. This particular essay led me to a website that was new to me where I read a post that so clearly stated my very own experience that it brought tears to my eyes. This morning I read some statistics about the number of new blogs that had been started in 2014 and how many new posts are posted every day, and that was when I felt myself begin to slip.
It was a whisper, not even a fully formed thought, more of a feeling, really. But it wasn’t until I had a moment to sit still that I caught the image of being pulled under water. I wasn’t panicking, or thrashing. I was just being tugged by my feet, a little bit at a time, my head going under a little more, a little bit more. My hair (it was long for some reason in this image,) was floating around me.
I heard it then, the whisper. It told me that I was fooling myself about being a real writer. It told me I didn’t have enough years left to practice, that I’d never be really skilled at writing. It told me that my blog would never be seen by more than a handful of people, that it would never have any real reach. And then my head popped up out of the water and I heard it clearly, my ego voice messing with me.
I wish I could say that the recognition of that ugly, mean voice nullified its affect on me, but the sadness lifted slowly, slowly as I intentionally placed my attention in gratitude. “Thank you my angels, for helping me to be aware. Thank you.”
And I take the risk again, to share my words with whoever chooses to see them.