Tag Archives: writing

Bruises

Ego will interfere in your process in order to move you away from love. It will try to convince you, through negative self-talk, of many things. You will have to learn to be vigilant about the self-talk in which you engage. If it is not positive and loving, it is from ego, and you must stop the flow.   -Journey From Ego,

 I read an essay written by one of my favorite authors a couple of days ago that made me smile at her use of words and touched my heart like a finger gently probing an old bruise. This particular essay led me to a website that was new to me where I read a post that so clearly stated my very own experience that it brought tears to my eyes. This morning I read some statistics about the number of new blogs that had been started in 2014 and how many new posts are posted every day, and that was when I felt myself begin to slip.

It was a whisper, not even a fully formed thought, more of a feeling, really. But it wasn’t until I had a moment to sit still that I caught the image of being pulled under water. I wasn’t panicking, or thrashing. I was just being tugged by my feet, a little bit at a time, my head going under a little more, a little bit more. My hair (it was long for some reason in this image,) was floating around me.

I heard it then, the whisper. It told me that I was fooling myself about being a real writer. It told me I didn’t have enough years left to practice, that I’d never be really skilled at writing. It told me that my blog would never be seen by more than a handful of people, that it would never have any real reach. And then my head popped up out of the water and I heard it clearly, my ego voice messing with me.

I wish I could say that the recognition of that ugly, mean voice nullified its affect on me, but the sadness lifted slowly, slowly as I intentionally placed my attention in gratitude. “Thank you my angels, for helping me to be aware. Thank you.”

And I take the risk again, to share my words with whoever chooses to see them.

Come Play!

I follow a number of blogs. Most of them are related to writing in some way or other, how-to’s and what-not-to-do’s when writing short fiction, novels, blogs. Jeff Goins at Goin’s Writer focuses on grabbing the ring as a writer, that is, acknowledging to others our avocation as  writers, and on blog writing and how to create a tribe for yourself and how to gain subscribers to your blog. And he’s good at it and he’s making a living by writing these days. Joe Bunting over at The Write Practice remains more focused on writing fiction, and he also is living on his writing. Christi Krug’s blog, Kindling encourages us to just sit down and write something – anything because if we’re compelled to write, to be writers, then what’s stopping us?

Steven Pressfield Online answers that question. Resistance. In his book, The War of Art he explains how resistance keeps us from our work, writing, that one activity that writers are compelled to do, but tend to avoid. It’s a dilemma we all seem to face. We want our words to be read, but we’re afraid to share them. So we let that voice in our heads, the one Mr. Pressfield names resistance, the one I call ego, talk us out of sitting down.

There are always tasks that are more important than writing for the person who is not making a living with his words, and there is an infinite number of reasons for placing what we love most at the bottom of our to-do list. It makes absolutely no sense. I learned, in one of Ms. Krug’s classes a couple of years ago that I was a “perfectionistic procrastinator” – not her words, but those of a guest speaker. I laughed out loud. Actually, I think I guffawed. People looked at me. I clapped my hand over my mouth. I was that person. I had to have the perfect spot to sit in order to write, the perfect journal, the perfect pen – no, pencil because what if I messed up and needed to erase? All of those needs effectively kept me from writing much of anything. When I finally did start writing, thanks to Christi, I then had to acknowledge my fear of being heard.

Fear. That word again. Resistance. Ego. That pit-in-the-stomach, dry-mouthed, clammy-handed thief. It steals our POWER! It usurps our CONTROL! Ego keeps us living small because we allow it to. We believe it when it tells us that our writing isn’t good enough, or original enough, or smart enough, or funny enough. That voice keeps us from engaging in the activity we love the most.

Until we stop listening.

What is ego/resistance keeping you from? What is it that sits on your shoulder and whispers, How about now? Come play! How will your life be enriched when you start listening to that voice instead of the ego-voice?